What Is Normal?

As I grew up, I was exposed to ideas and behaviors that have followed me into my adulthood.  Not all of these ideas and behaviors are the type that I want to maintain, and I have put considerable effort into eradicating the unacceptable elements from my life.  At the same time, the people who taught me these things are content to carry on as they always have.

For one thing, I dislike being grilled for information via a series of text messages.  Where are you?  Where is your husband?  What are you up to?  Are you going to be in town soon?  Are you working?  When do you work?  When does your husband work?  I also don't enjoy the constant sarcasm, which they view as a form of entertainment.  It is impossible to relax when you're constantly expecting to be zinged.  I equate it to a school of piranhas nervously eyeing each other until, suddenly, they cannibalize one of their hapless members. That's how they live, but people don't have to live that way. 

Those are some of the more harmless things they do.  When I started to date the man that became my husband,  realized that I didn't want my relationships to be like the ones that were closest to me.  I resolved to conduct my relationships as I saw fit, which, believe it or not, was a huge step.  Until that point, I had submitted to a patriarchal philosophy, and it was beginning to dawn on me that this wasn't an ideal situation.  Some of my ideas were different than those of my family, and following their suggestions and opinions for my life was getting me nowhere.  Thus, when they began to voice their disapproval of my (future) husband and our relationship, I realized that our relationship had a lot of potential, and I wanted to see it through on my terms.  In other words, I began to believe that I could make good decisions without everyone's input. 

As time goes on, it becomes more and more difficult to relate to them.  My perspective has irrevocably changed, and I am happier and more fulfilled this way.  For the first time, I am treated as an individual in my own right, and not an aberration (in spite of my fair complexion and blonde hair, I was often referred to as the "adopted black child".  Don't ask me; it wasn't my idea). 

This doesn't mean that I think that they are awful people.  It means that things can change over time, and that naturally leads to a certain disconnect.  We all make our own choices, and I don't regret mine.