This is not to cast aspersions on people who have children, who want to have children, or who seek out the company of children because they enjoy being around them. Your life is your own, and while your preferences are not the same as mine, I would not judge you for them.
This is my perspective.
Since I was a child myself, I have not preferred to be around children. As an adult, I am of the same opinion, but more so. They are loud, they emit strange smells, and they dart from place to place. I fear that if I am not careful, I will tread on one as it zips from place to place. I hate having to tolerate rude, disrespectful children while their parents stand by and smile indulgently. Some people may enjoy it when a preschooler comes up to them smelling vaguely of candy and some sourness and begins to babble in long, unintelligible phrases. Some individuals find this enchanting. To me, this is very uncomfortable, and I look for a way to escape.
I dislike the shrieking, the screaming, and the tantrums. In momentary lapses of judgement in which I am persuaded to hold a child, they invariably dig their sharp little fingernails into my skin while smiling, which makes me believe that they're aware of what they're doing and they intend to make it as unpleasant as possible.
In my 31 years of life, I have enjoyed holding a child exactly one time. She is my best friend's sister's daughter, and she was cute, pleasant, and didn't smell bad. At least, not at that point. She peed on the floor later, so I dodged a bullet with that one.
Don't get me wrong. I don't have them. I just don't want one of my own. I don't want to have to wipe their butts for eighteen years long years without a break. I don't want to deal with the neverending demands, the socialization, and the excruciating years of communicating using words with only one syllable.
Parenthood may be worth it to some people, but not to me. I think it's best to leave it to those with the desire to be parents. After all, I don't go around asking people why they must have children, then act as though they're terrible for the decisions that they've made and the things that they want. We all have our different perspectives, and I can respect that. I wish more people could.
From the other side of the fence (and this is me just musing, not casting any negative vibes):
ReplyDeleteFrom the sampling of friends that I know (discarding single people), I have two ro three "uber mommies" - the kind that revel in it, and enjoy every moment of it.
The majority are married couples I know are people who are struggling with parenthood - enjoying the ups, banging their heads on the walls with the down, and otherwise just getting along.
Unfortunately, I also know a rather high percentage of single, child-free folk who are very, very vocal about their desire to remain child free.
I respect that, and I honestly don't care about the state of other people's uterus. I really, really don't.
But so few of them are as quietly polite as you are about voicing their opinions - most of them tend to bring it up as often as they can, and vociferously proclaim HOW MUCH THEY HATE CHILDREN AND NEVER WANT TO BE A PARENT AND ALL KIDS ARE DISGUSTING AND THEY DON'T LIKE KIDS at every turn.
I find myself equal parts amused and disgruntled that they talk more about kids than the majority of my friends with kids.
Again - please don't think this is against you - just me musing out loud.
Also, in the event anyone every flat-out asks you about your child-free status, and "when are you gonna start having some of your own?" I recommend responding with:
"Oh, we're choosing not to. But enough about me - how's your sex life?"
I'm secretly disappointed I never got a chance to use this line.
No offense taken. This is an amazingly sore subject for a lot of people, but it doesn't have to be. I don't see why it's any different than any other personal preference that's ultimately an individual choice. I don't Hate Kids. I just don't want to add them to my everyday life and assume personal responsibility for them.
DeleteIt came up recently because there has been an increase in babymaking among the people of my acquaintance, and everyone just has to know if we're expecting to be expecting any time soon.
I do like your comeback for probing questions about such matters. On occasion, I've wanted to tell such people, "We can't have any....." then hang my head dejectedly. Of course, they could tell me that they'll start praying for a little miracle, so I haven't used that one.