A PMDD Struggle

Hi folks, it's been a long time since I've written anything in this blog.  Life got insanely stressful and it kept getting worse and worse.  I began to do some research into my symptoms and the possible solutions.  In addition to the stress involved in my job, I was unsuccessfully trying to launch my business.  One factor influenced the other until I was insanely stressed and barely able to do the minimum.

The worst, most unbearable part of all of this was my mood swings.  I have had issues with anxiety and depression for many years, but I began to notice a trend about six or seven years ago.  My moods would rise and fall with my monthly cycle.  It would start with a few reasonably good days, one or two days where I felt great, then it was all downhill from there.  This vicious cycle repeated itself month after month, year after year.  My patient, wonderful husband would reassure me every month as I wept and fretted, saying it was happening again.  This was helpful, but didn't stop those awful feelings.  I was in survival mode for the vast majority of the time.  Emotions were all-consuming, and they were rarely positive.  I was usually worried, anxious, depressed, or some variation thereof.

In desperation, I went on the internet and located some information.  It turns out that my problem was called Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder.  Each of the symptoms matched up with my experiences.  It was good to get some answers, but the treatment was daunting.  I had been through birth control pill regimens, antidepressants, exercise, diet, and nothing had worked.  Those things could help somewhat, but the problem always came back in spades.  The only real cure for this is a hysterectomy with removal of the ovaries.  I consulted two ob/gyns and both agreed that this was the definite cure, and both offered hysterectomy very quickly and easily.  I needed to do something, so, I decided to go for the surgery.

Note that I am childfree by choice and have never wanted children.  The loss of my uterus is not really a big deal.  In fact, it was malformed, so it would have made it difficult to carry to term, even if I had wanted to do so.  I also have PCOS.  Nice double whammy there. 

The day of surgery came and went.  I had my uterus, ovaries, fallopian tubes, and cervix removed.  I figured, why leave anything there to cause problems?  The PCOS puts me at a higher risk for uterine, ovarian, and breast cancer, so that eliminated two out of three.  I'm three and a half weeks post-op and my recovery seems to be going normally, though it is by no means complete.  I wear enormous, comfortable lounge pants at home and dresses in public.  Jeans are a definite no-no.  I am on hormone replacement therapy and I am experiencing no menopausal symptoms. 

The best part is that the PMDD is gone.  I have my mental clarity back, as well as calm, manageable emotions.  The worst days are better than my average days before surgery, and the best days are phenomenal.  I still get worried that something might go wrong, that this is temporary, but I have been telling myself not to worry and that is actually effective.  Before, I would try to convince myself, but my emotions were so overwhelming that I would continue to feel very, very frightened.

I have gained the ability to cope.  It is unfortunate that I had to take such a drastic step in order to attain equilibrium, but it was worth it.  I can honestly say life is good now.