The Broken Record

For a couple of months, I breathed a sigh of relief, believing that my work situation had evened out.  While my former department wasn't offering me any hours, I found that I was able to make do if I let other departments know that I was available for work.  I approached each task with plenty of effort and positive attitude, and everyone seemed pleased.  Thus, I wasn't terribly worried when I got few calls in February.  I used the time to prep the house for sale, and I considered the time well-used.  I made sure that other programs were aware that I have plenty of available time this month.  In fairly short order, I received a phone call on Friday.  They wanted to know if I was available this week.  I told them that I was free, and they told me that they needed me to work all week. 

Yesterday, I showed up and worked for 8 and a half hours.  I sawed metal and PVC, moved equipment, scrubbed, drilled, and climbed up and down ladders.  I worked my ass off while chatting companionably with my coworker.  We got a lot done, and I was sore and exhausted at the end of the day.  I was also concerned.

They told me that it would be hard to justify using me if they weren't using the other temp staff, even though said staff tends to avoid the unpleasant work.  I, on the other hand, am glad to do the work, no matter how unpleasant.  They also told me that I wasn't needed for the rest of this week, but activities should resume next week.

Shit.

I can't keep doing this.

I've been on more employment-related roller coasters over the last three years than I care to think about.  Things just haven't been panning out, and I am getting tired of the endless letdowns.  All of my performance reviews are positive, and people like my work.  That doesn't seem to be enough to keep me consistently working.

I am more discouraged than I can possibly express.  The reoccurring nature of my employment problems is leading me to look at myself as a possible cause, but truthfully, I don't know what I could do to make things better.  My performance reviews are positive, so they don't indicate anything that I can improve.

I'm at a loss.